Coming face-to-face with my new baggage

It has been a while since my last post. Last month I discovered that I had Lynch Syndrome which places me at an increased risk for about a dozen cancers. After meeting with my team of doctors, I decided to have the (strongly) recommended prophylactic hysterectomy and oophorectomy in order to eliminate my chances of ever getting uterine, ovarian, and cervical cancers. Considering my odds, the choice seemed simple but nothing ever truly is. Like most procedure, mine would have its own baggage. Obvious ones like initial pain, soreness, and the need to take it easy for 6 weeks were not unexpected. Not being able to sleep on my tummy for a while would be annoying but i could be patient

My surgery was nearly two weeks ago and I'm slowly getting better each day. The worst baggage for me was being told that at the age of 44 I would go into menopause. I was also warned that because my menopause was brought on surgically, it would be immediate. Due to the Lynch Syndrome, my doctors agreed that I would not be a Good candidate for hormone replacement therapy.

So I've been waiting for it. Would I know when it started? Would I have mood swings? Get hot flashes or cold flashes? I thought it started last week. I felt a little warm for a few minutes. Perhaps my menopause would be mild. I had asked friends to describe it. Most just said I'd feel really uncomfortable for brief periods. I even asked my doctor how I would know when it started. I remember her touching my hand and assuring me that I would "just know."

Last night I was pretty exhausted and was looking forward to a good night's rest. My incisions are healing nicely so now I can comfortably sleep on my side. Unfortunately my hormones had other plans. I will admit that last night's experience threw me for a loop. For me, menopause was more than "really uncomfortable." This is how I came face-to-face with my Lynch Syndrome baggage:

 

The doctor told me I would be in menopause

And I nodded my head in acknowledgement

But what did this mean?

would I even know?

"one day" she said, "you just will"

And so I waited ...

 

I was completely exhausted as I settled into bed

Hoping for a good night's sleep

When suddenly I felt it's presence

It's warm breath at first

Whispered in my ears

Then like a desert storm

It's intense heat coursed through my veins

Sending me to a tropical hell

I languished with my blanket

Kicking it off like a petulant child

in the throws of a mad tantrum

I reached for my coolest pillow

In hopes that this fiery dragon would soon be slayed

An hour ticked by sluggishly

But soon I would rest ...

 

... Or would I?

A few hours later I was jolted from my slumber

The chill of Arctic air now pulsing inside me

 I tossed the chilly pillow to the floor

And grasped for a heated blanket and comforter 

To envelop me

I laid shivering in the bed

My mind transporting me to a dark winter's night

When an icy nor'easter had knocked out the heat

I once again watched the clock

Waiting for this frosty demon to leave

Two hours ticked by as I felt myself thaw

Now I could rest ...

 

... Or could I?

As the sun rose I awoke once again

 Feeling as if I had just been baking in my kitchen 

Inside me, the gush of warm oven-like air 

flowed softly from head to toe

Before quietly fading away

And now I knew

 

This is menopause 

 

 

 

I hope it doesn't last for long but no one really knows for sure. At least now I know what to expect. And, even though it pretty much SUCKS to have to deal with it many years earlier than is typical, the alternative (not having the surgery and waiting for a probable cancer) still seems worse.

Comments

[Koren Creamer]

Hey girl, I think you should consider writing a "shades of" some color related to menopause. Pretty intense - makes me looking forward to it - well maybe not. Keep up the positive/humerous attitude, it will def help you through this as well as your wonderful family. im me anytime! When you are feeling up to it I will drive out to do lunch!

Love you kiddo! Koren XXX

[Dawn]

Thanks Koren!! I'd love to start working on my novel again -- haven't touched it in 10 years. But yes, now that I'm older and have more life experiences, who know what I might come up with!

[Monica Jacobs]

Hello sweet Dawn, it's hard to believe that two weeks have gone by since your surgery. I think of you often and am really glad to read that (other than this menopause "thing"!) you are healing and recovering well. I don't have the time to read a lot of blogs from people, but I am sure glad I found the time to read yours today. You are a brave, strong woman and it helps those (like me) who have not yet gone through menopause and are scared to death put their mind more at ease to read your beautifully written words. Sending all of my love from down south, your sister and friend,

Monica

[Dawn]

Thanks for the love Mon! <3

[Jamie]

I had an Oophorectomy at 35. I am now almost 45 and still suffering and dealing with menopause/hormonal issues. I am on HRT and have been since the surgery. My symptoms are simply too severe NOT to be on the therapy. As of now I'm using the .75 mg. Vivelle patch, changed twice weekly. I haven't slept through the night for more than four years. It's gotten worse in the past couple of years... I awake every 2-4 hours like clockwork. I'm having a sleep study done tomorrow night and am hoping that it will reveal SOMETHING new that the myriad of doctors I've seen haven't been able to unearth. Your description of menopause was very powerful... and very accurate. I hope you are doing well!